Pretty sure my library days are over

I haven't been going to the library for the last five months. Today, Xander reminded me why. That kid is a killer demon child at the library. I don't know if it's the building, the people, or maybe that book-y smell, but something about that place turns my sweet angel boy into his own doppelganger.

My friend invited me to go again, so, against my better judgement, I decided to give it another go. I loaded up thing 2 (Aria) and thing 3 (Xander), and we headed to the library. Aria was a perfect angel and Xander made me want to sell him...cheap. He wouldn't sit at all for storytime and instead busied himself by running around the displays. He then grew bored with the displays and began running around the people gathered for storytime, climbing up on the benches and jumping from one to another, sometimes landing on purses. Yes. I know. Horrifying. "Where were you, you bad mother?" you might say. " "I was freaking trying to catch him!!" I would reply to your unwelcome question. A two-yr old who doesn't want to be caught is VERY difficult to catch. They are not only HEAVY, but they are super-humanly fast! So fast, in fact, that the library quickly turned into the track of the Indy 500. I'm not kidding. He was literally zooming around the library doing enormous speedy laps around the studying people and large bookshelves, looking over his shoulder at me with a sneaky grin on his face. By the grace of God, I managed to trick him and caught him. I gave him a good talking to and placed him beside me in the kids' video section. I promised Aria she could pick one out. I looked at him, looked at the videos, and looked back. It was seriously like 2 seconds. He was gone. I had seen him hiding behind the curtain near the emergency exit before, so I checked there. Nope. I looked back at Aria. She was there, so I went to see if she'd seen him, when a row of videos spilled to the floor. Xander was behind the shelf and had knock the whole row part of the shelf off its hinges. So I had to reattach it and put the videos back AND catch him again. I finally did, slinging him unceremoniously over my shoulder, called for Aria and headed for the check-out line. It was unusually long, but I had to get the stuff for Aria because I promised her and it was part of her homework. So I stood in the long line while holding Xander on my shoulder, while he kicked his legs and yelled "HELP MEEEEEE! HELP MEEEEEEE! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!" over and over (I was yelling the same thing, you just couldn't hear me). My friend offered to take him and he stopped yelling long enough to say to her, "I can't! I can't get down. My mom won't let me! I stuck!" Exasperated, I put him down and thought he'd go with her. Instead, he just lay on the floor, extremities extended, bare belly exposed, refusing to go anywhere. At least he was quiet. The only downside was that now he was blocking the line movement. People were nice enough, but they were looking at me like, "Should we stay behind him, or should we just step over him?" After checking out, he yelled for his coat. I grabbed his coat, but as I tried to put it on him, he screamed, "Noooo!! I don't WANT my COAT!!!" So I grabbed him, and hauled his butt outside, where he cried,"I cold! I want my coat! I want my coat on my belly!"I finally buckled his tushy in the car and took a big breath. I vowed, out loud, "I will NEVER do this again."

So, goodbye fair library. I have loved you. You have been a dear friend to me. But we cannot see each other any more. It's over between us. It's not you, it's me...or rather, it's my son. Maybe someday, when circumstances are different, we can rekindle the flame.