Saturday, January 16, 2010

Happy Birthday, Xander!!

Today, my baby turns three! Xander is SO funny and we love him, love him, love him-so much it drives us crazy! So even though I can no longer go to the library, or the store, or anywhere easily because of his "energy", I simply don't care! I LOVE that boy :) Happy birthday, sweet little bear. You light up my life!

Ariaism: bedside manner

I'm getting my tonsils out on Monday. I am pretending to be very excited, hoping it will cure some of my sense of doom. My sweet, sweet Aria, sensing my nervousness, is trying very hard to soothe my anxiety. Her intentions are good, but her delivery needs work.

A: "Mom, don't worry, because when you get your tonsils PULLED OUT, at least people will bring you things like ice cream!"


A: "Mom, I know your scared about having your surgery, but when you get your tonsils CUT OUT, you can just think about us and how much we love you!"

Skylerism: caution

X: (looking under his bed nervously, as our frisky cat, Toffee, guards the area) "My ball! I want my ball! But, I can't because Toffee will get me!"

M: "Be careful, bud."

S: "Yeah, because Toffee IS a carnivore!"

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ariaism: tell me what you really think

Today, I finally got to watch the last half-hour of this week's episode of Biggest Loser. I like to work out while I do, so I turned it on and committed to a slew of bicycle crunches. Aria came down and layed down beside me. A 526-lb man stood on the scale.

A: "You like this show?"

M: (Still crunching) "Yeah, I really like it."

A: "Mom, YOU should be on this show."

I collapsed and laughed so hard that I cried.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Pretty sure my library days are over

I haven't been going to the library for the last five months. Today, Xander reminded me why. That kid is a killer demon child at the library. I don't know if it's the building, the people, or maybe that book-y smell, but something about that place turns my sweet angel boy into his own doppelganger.

My friend invited me to go again, so, against my better judgement, I decided to give it another go. I loaded up thing 2 (Aria) and thing 3 (Xander), and we headed to the library. Aria was a perfect angel and Xander made me want to sell He wouldn't sit at all for storytime and instead busied himself by running around the displays. He then grew bored with the displays and began running around the people gathered for storytime, climbing up on the benches and jumping from one to another, sometimes landing on purses. Yes. I know. Horrifying. "Where were you, you bad mother?" you might say. " "I was freaking trying to catch him!!" I would reply to your unwelcome question. A two-yr old who doesn't want to be caught is VERY difficult to catch. They are not only HEAVY, but they are super-humanly fast! So fast, in fact, that the library quickly turned into the track of the Indy 500. I'm not kidding. He was literally zooming around the library doing enormous speedy laps around the studying people and large bookshelves, looking over his shoulder at me with a sneaky grin on his face. By the grace of God, I managed to trick him and caught him. I gave him a good talking to and placed him beside me in the kids' video section. I promised Aria she could pick one out. I looked at him, looked at the videos, and looked back. It was seriously like 2 seconds. He was gone. I had seen him hiding behind the curtain near the emergency exit before, so I checked there. Nope. I looked back at Aria. She was there, so I went to see if she'd seen him, when a row of videos spilled to the floor. Xander was behind the shelf and had knock the whole row part of the shelf off its hinges. So I had to reattach it and put the videos back AND catch him again. I finally did, slinging him unceremoniously over my shoulder, called for Aria and headed for the check-out line. It was unusually long, but I had to get the stuff for Aria because I promised her and it was part of her homework. So I stood in the long line while holding Xander on my shoulder, while he kicked his legs and yelled "HELP MEEEEEE! HELP MEEEEEEE! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!" over and over (I was yelling the same thing, you just couldn't hear me). My friend offered to take him and he stopped yelling long enough to say to her, "I can't! I can't get down. My mom won't let me! I stuck!" Exasperated, I put him down and thought he'd go with her. Instead, he just lay on the floor, extremities extended, bare belly exposed, refusing to go anywhere. At least he was quiet. The only downside was that now he was blocking the line movement. People were nice enough, but they were looking at me like, "Should we stay behind him, or should we just step over him?" After checking out, he yelled for his coat. I grabbed his coat, but as I tried to put it on him, he screamed, "Noooo!! I don't WANT my COAT!!!" So I grabbed him, and hauled his butt outside, where he cried,"I cold! I want my coat! I want my coat on my belly!"I finally buckled his tushy in the car and took a big breath. I vowed, out loud, "I will NEVER do this again."

So, goodbye fair library. I have loved you. You have been a dear friend to me. But we cannot see each other any more. It's over between us. It's not you, it's me...or rather, it's my son. Maybe someday, when circumstances are different, we can rekindle the flame.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Like an epidemic

Aria had another bathroom injury today. Seriously. This time, Shelby followed the screaming and crying and found her wedged between the toilet and the wall. Once she was freed and calmed, I asked her how she managed to even get into that space. She didn't even know. She said she was standing in front of the toilet and next thing she knew she had fallen between the toilet and the wall. This is getting to be absurd. She seems to have a talent for it. So, I suppose if theater and fashion design don't work out, she'll always have this as a back-up.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Xanderism: animal

Our AMAZING friend Ashley made our kids these totally awesome quiet activity packets for church. Seriously, they are awesome and I'm sure it took at least several weeks or months to put them all together. Love you Ash!

Anyway, Xander and I were working on one where you match one animal with its pair for Noah's ark.

I held up a pig.
M: "What's this?"
X: "Issa pig!"

I held up a cat.
M: "Good, buddy, what's this?"
X: "Dat-sa cat."

I held up a cow.
M: "Great, Xander! What's this?"
X: "Dat-sa herbivore!

Looks like I've got another scientist on my hands.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Little-known fact

Aria is the only person I know who can injure herself while going to the bathroom. Today, she sat down on the potty, not realizing the seat was up and fell right in, hurting her shoulder in the process...somehow. Honestly, I don't even see how that's possible, but apparently it totally is.